The Sneaky Joys of Motherhood
Issue No. 44
The Sneaky Joys of Being Elsie’s Mom
It’s 95 degrees in LA today and, as I type this, I’m hiding out at DayGlow / Awan, an ice cream and coffee shop hybrid tucked away at the end of our street in West Hollywood. With Mother’s Day tomorrow, I’ve had today’s topic marinating in my mind for a while. It’s not our usual drill of diving into a wellness topic I’m curious about. Instead, I’m taking a more personal route and sharing a kind of love letter to being Elsie’s mom. 😭 Before we go there, Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms and mother figures out there. To say I’m inspired by you all would be an understatement!
I’ll be the first one to say it: pregnancy wasn’t my favorite. I feel a little guilty admitting that because, all things considered, we had a pretty smooth experience. I battled through the typical nausea and food aversions during weeks seven to twelve, precisely the window when you’re not supposed to mention your pregnancy to anyone. But once that second trimester hit, it was smooth sailing. I played tennis all summer (at five months pregnant, Tim and I even made it to the finals of a mixed doubles championship, probably thanks to Elsie). Aside from increasing in enormity and feeling terrible about the number on the scale ticking up every week (why do we care about this?!), it wasn’t all that bad. But pregnancy, in my experience, pales in comparison to what comes next.
Elsie entered the scene on December 18, 2023 at 11:05 PM. She had a conehead at first (our doctor had failed to mention that this was a common result of the baby battling through the birth canal), but we loved her just the same, though we were relieved that her head rounded out a few days later. I think back to those first few (terrifying) nights in the hospital, and somehow remember nothing but bliss. I’m sure that wasn’t entirely the case (I know it wasn’t, actually, because I had a crazy allergic reaction to my epidural tape and had a rash spanning my entire back for a week!). But, having just met our new bundle of joy, I felt like I could conquer anything. In the days, weeks, and months that followed, I fell more and more in love with Elsie. We soon learned that she was a great sleeper (sleeping through the night at five weeks to the day!), a great eater, and had an impossibly fun and playful personality.
There is a lot of conversation around how hard having a baby and raising a child can be. And it’s true: the physical changes your body undergoes, the hormone fluctuations, the brain fog and the mental load you manage (affectionately known as “mom brain”) are all so real. The reasons why being a mom is hard are endless. But, in my experience (so far), the wonderful far outweighs the hard.
On Loneliness
Before Elsie (and Tim), there have been chapters in my life when I have felt deeply lonely. In fact, I think many pockets of my twenties were spent feeling this. In a way, your twenties can be brutal. You’re suddenly expected to have your professional life under control, be financially independent (in a city like New York on an inexcusably low salary), and have a thriving social and dating life. On top of that, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly after I graduated from college. She was as brave as they come, and did everything in her power to make sure that we weren’t worried. But I was worried. I made sure to never be too far from where my parents were, and, while I’m so glad I did that, it also meant opting out of a lot of what my friends and peers were doing. During this time, I also decided to stop drinking, which inadvertently made me feel like I shouldn’t go out, leading to a little (or a lot) of self-isolation. I worked remotely from my studio apartment for a company in San Francisco (shoutout Rothy’s), which was great, but guess what? More isolation. All of this made for some really lonely stretches during a decade that is supposed to be fun. So, fast forward to 34, and I have a deep appreciation for having a family of my own. It gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling knowing that, for the next two decades at least, we’ll be largely together. To me, home is where Elsie and Tim are.
The Perks of Flying
After I had Elsie, the mom groups I’m part of would often chatter about traveling with baby – the group chat abuzz with tips and tricks to avoid the dreaded disaster that is venturing across the country via air travel with a small baby. In the seventeen months that Elsie has graced us with her presence, my flight experiences have gotten… better? Is that possible? I might regret typing this later, as I’m sure I’ll jinx my luck, but hear me out:
Our tech-obsessed society has yielded an environment where, even as we rub shoulders trudging through security and settle into our too tight in-flight accommodations, there is very little human interaction. We are - in a sense - alone, together. Our heads are down, noses in our phones; no time or interest in exchanging a nice smile or light-hearted chat with a stranger. But you know who doesn’t have a phone? Elsie. And she just so happens to love interacting with people. Her favorite thing is to lock eyes with someone new and, once she has their attention, engage in a fun little game of peekaboo. My once monotonous travel days are over. I probably have twenty fun, happy interactions with strangers thanks to our little bean. We took our first cross-country flight with her at six months (from LA to JFK), only to be delayed, delayed, delayed (12 hours), and then have it cancelled entirely. Elsie didn’t care. Instead of complaining and low-key freaking out (as her parents were doing), she took in the bright lights of the Delta lounge, made friends of all kinds, and napped whenever she felt like it. Others on our flight told us that she made their day.
On Being Present & Gratitude
There are thousands of instances just like Elsie at the airport that have opened my eyes to the world around me. I now understand what people mean when they say their children make them more present. Elsie has 100% made me more present and appreciative on life’s little daily joys. If I were writing in a gratitude journal (which is an amazing practice, by the way), here are a few moments throughout my day with Elsie that I’m grateful for:
6 AM: She cries to be picked up, so Tim gets her from her crib and carries her to me in bed. The click, click squishing sound of her pacifier as she snuggles in next to me for another thirty minutes of sleep is heaven.
6:30 AM: When she’s ready to wake up, she casually plucks her pacifier from her mouth and drops it. The squishing sound is replaced by the cutest baby babbling. Some words I understand, others are incoherent, but I love the way she knows exactly what she’s saying with intense intention.
7 AM: The way her eyes light up as I wheel her stroller down the street for her first walk of the day. She notices everything—the trees above us, the fragrant jasmine blooming, and the “woof woofs” (dogs) who trot past us. Her little index finger extending as she points to whatever has her attention in that moment and exclaims, “Dis!” (this)!
7:30 AM: Her whole face lights up when the barista hands over the freshly warmed croissant in a wax pastry bag. Three minutes later and she’s covered in flaky croissant crumbs, smiling ear-to-ear as we stroll back towards home.
8 AM: Her nanny arrives, and the excitement that ensues is the sweetest thing. As the door swings open, she lets out a laugh as if she’s seeing her best friend for the first time in months (her nanny was usually just there the day before).
9 AM: After she has breakfast, she gets changed for the day. On weekdays when I’m working and our nanny gets her dressed, she parades out of her room with such a sense of pride. It’s like she knows she looks cute in her outfit. This is one of my favorite parts of the day. I make a big fuss about how much I love her outfit, specifically complimenting her shoes, dress, or bow. I swear she knows exactly what I’m saying, and she loves it.
11:30 AM: She trots back from the park, tired but so happy. She loves to walk herself these days, and even says “walk, walk” if she’s been in her stroller for too long.
3:30 PM: After she has lunch and a long, three-hour nap, she wakes up with sweaty hair. I love how snuggly she is in her sleep sack and usually wants to be held or read to for a few minutes before fully waking up (relatable).
6:00 PM: Is there anything better than a baby freshly out of the bath? I love this time of day! Elsie is all clean with wet hair combed back and in her pajamas. She’s still energized and ready to play or read.
6:30PM: She has a newfound obsession with books, and I love that she’ll aggressively thrust one into my hands, asking (or shall I say, demanding) that I read it. I do, and more often than not, she’ll say, “Again!” the minute I’m finished. Her current favorite is Head To Toe and she follows along with serious focus.
7:15 PM: After we read more books than I’ve bargained for, it’s time to wind down with her. I love the way closing her blinds and turning out the lights instantly makes her sleepy (a reminder of how important a dark room is for sleep). She says “night. night” in the cutest high pitched voice and becomes the snuggly Elsie we started the day with.
Anyway, Elsie, thank you for making me a mom. I am deeply grateful for the opportunity and for all the joy you bring to my life on a daily basis. Sorry that this was a little “off brand” according to Tim, but I figured it couldn’t to open up about something personal on a day like Mother’s Day.
Links I Loved This Week (Elsie Themed)
My dear friends at Oso & Me sent Elsie a package this week, and let me tell you… it’s good. If you’re shopping for a baby girl, the Betty Baby is the cutest (and easiest) thing. We also got their playdress (soft cotton, so easy).
Minnow is another brand that seems to have cornered the market on baby swim. Elsie wore this yellow suit in Cabo and I couldn’t get enough of how cute it was.
Another heavily complimented item in Cabo was this Timo & Violet hoodie towel. My friend Liz sent it to Elsie shortly after she was born and I know this is going to be on daily rotation at the beach this summer!
